Monday, 20 October 2008

MAYOR FOUND ALIVE! CITY SAVED!


The body of the missing Mayor of Joke-on-Trent, Mark Meredith, is rumoured to have walked into Burslem Police Station earlier today.
A Police spokesman said: ‘We regret to inform the people of this unfortunate City of the news of his safe return’.
Asked if the Mayor explained his disappearance, he said: ‘The Mayor said he had been ‘canoeing’ on Westport Lake and then remembered ‘nothing after that’.
Ex Councillor, ex Deputy Mayor and ex Priest-because of Dimensions- Mervin Smith said: ‘We are saved! We love him, we all love him, and I love him!
EMB member, Adrian (‘I’m only in it for the money’) Knapper, (pictured) the most overrated, over promoted, and most photographed person ever, Said: ‘He thinks he’s got problems! I don’t know who I am, what I’m doing here, or who put me here!
John Abberley, aged 106 speaking from the Sentinel retirement home, said: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
IF EVER A CASE WAS MADE FOR THE RESTORATION OF THE DEATH PENALTY, IT IS THIS! WE MUST BRING BACK HANGING, NOW!
Mike Wolfe, unemployed, said: ‘We should consider turning Westport Lake into an ice ring and then I could be Mayor and walk on its water’.
Mike Barnes, TV presenter and full time Mayor hater-through gritted teeth said-: ‘I agree with John Abberley’.
BNP Councillor and official interpreter for Michael Coleman, Steve Batkin said: Orl blak people shuld be kicked out of mi cuntry and us whites shuld be elected mare of bentilee. We hate evry 1 including ourselfs!
Peter Coates, (whose bank manager loves him and Mark Meredith) said: ‘Forget the injustices to the Vale, vote for the Mayor and you too may one day get a football ground for next to nothing’.
This tragic ending brings a close to the saga of ‘missing Mayor’ in Joke-on-Trent.
Joke-on-Trent is once again saved from the absence of political comedians and comedy in general.
It has been a catastrophe for the tax payers of the City who found themselves leaderless in a financial crisis with no one to lead as banks crashed everywhere.
On hearing of the news of his safe return, shares in the marketplace climbed to record levels.
Welcome home Mark, from all parents, in all schools everywhere and from the staff at Dimensions.
We love you, we need you! We were lost without you!
“Did I say I loved him as well”? (Mervin).

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

You've got to be kidding:-)

Adrian (£££££'s) said...

just because I was sacked for not having a clue about schools, does not mean I'm incompetent!

Tony said...

This installment was better than the season finale of "Lost"
All hail THE ORACLE
He Da Man!

the joker said...

Mike Barnes 'through gritted teeth'.
This is quite good for a blog and very funny. There will be ructions in City Hall about this.

warren said...

Thats an insult, to Homer Simpson...lol. Knappers far more incompetent then that.He was the one the other week whos workmen drillled the lock on a womans new home and for some reason removed everything from the ground floor, why, god only knows. I just love the Batkin part, the pillock talks like that you know.

nita said...

I did spot him at the Britannia Stadium yesterday, with Mr Flello, so he must be fit and well.

the real homer simpson said...

Isn't Adrian Knapper, that guy who isn't allowed to be a councillor in S-o-T because he lives in Nantwich?

Alison said...

Joy, I would love Mr Meredith to be clearing his desk by Friday, but wonder whether you have any ideas about who might be standing for the Leadership race if the Yes vote wins?

I have sort of assumed that Mayor Meredith will stand again (though god knows why! How much punishment can one man inflict on a city?), and I guess Mike Wolfe probably will as well, and there's bound to be a BNP candidate.

As a prominent local councillor, I wonder whether you can shed any light on who you think might be amongst the front runners for the Leader post, if Yes wins?

You can post anonymously if you don't feel able to tell us under your own name!

nicky said...

Well said Joy Garner!
Trouble is he gets to stay until around May either way doesn't he?

Warren I fully take your point about the house wrecking, but to be just slightly fair to Adrian Knapper (someone has to...) when I wrote to all the councillors to try to get support for the Trentham/St. Jo's federation, he was the only labour one (apart from someone on behalf of Mark Meredith) to bother to reply to me. OK he's still not in my best books because he's not supportive in council chamber and he took a second email before he replied (his first was an autoreply which said to contact him again in a week if I hadn't heard - so I thought - well he asked for it...).
But his reply was not against me but neither was it for me. He guardedly said he wanted to see a family of schools across the city working together. I agree. It's just which schools and where etc etc. we disagree on I guess.

Actually I wonder if it was not the fact that he was doing a bad job that lost him the schools potfolio, but the fact that he was in danger of doing a good job. I did put to him whether he lost that portfolio because he was starting to agree with the people of the city, but of course he wasn't brave enough to answer that specific point.

In fact, or fiction who knows, what I heard that Adrian Knapper wasn't the issue in that reshuffle. It was actually because Dodger Fibbs had done something, I know not what, in the other portfolio, that meant that Mark Meredith had to remove him from it. So he swapped them. Maybe that was also to punish us pesky Trentham people, or to punish Dodger, or both.

Anonymous said...

Instead of commenting about the mayor and black people Batkin should get himself a job the lazy knacker.

warren said...

Anonymous, Batkin did'nt say that dude, its made up,but thats not to say he would'nt given half a chance. I must agree on the other point, the idel bastard needs to get a few days work under his belt...lol.

Parents, teachers, LEA,lollipop lady,cooks, cleaners anyone in education, fellow councillors, press, etc... said...

Adrain (14:53), take it from us, it does.

Anonymous said...

This message that is supposed to be from Joy Garner is not from Joy Garner.

Anonymous said...
Doubt that is joy garner.she never makes a decision and certainly never makes a public decision that nails her colours to the mast.

As for decisions - ask the licensing and Taxi trade - they have been brought into the 21st century kicking and screaming, whilst she chaired all the licensing and consumer protection committee's.

PKB said...

Joy, check out how much it costs for a journey from Hanley to 1.5 miles away at 10pm.

Thanks for bringing them into the 'screw you for all I can get' world that we all live in.

You have wrecked the notion of cheap fares before midnight!

Tony said...

Is it Joy or is'nt it Joy? i'm as confused as an independent! Now how do I get off this, let's just press this..

john said...

The mayor is dead meat on friday and joy garner will have no one to look up to.

Tony said...

I can honestly say that the original post in Joy's name was not her!
Any councilor who sees posts with their name on that is not from them please email the site!

Mr. Flello said...

Can I also say that anything wrote in my name is a load of crap, even if I actually write it.

Anonymous said...

When Adrian Knapper was the portfolio holder for Education, he had the decency to visit Trentham High School on two occasions and listen to the views pupils, teachers and governors. Adrian has been the only member of the EMB board who argued for Schools in the Community and knowing him, had the Elected Mayor given him the opportunity he would have come forward with a positive solution. The fact is that under the current system his talents and values are wasted, but his heart is committed to the City of Stoke-on-Trent even though his love life and marriage has taken him out of the City. A full committed individual who gives 110%, why! Knock someone who cares about our City, giving the majority of his time and energy being a public servant to the people of the potteries.

Tony said...

Anon,
It was probably because he took an interest in the schools and where they are located and the fact that he did visit Trentham High twice, was why Meredith removed him from the Education portfolio!