Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Elected Mayor-Missing

Rumours are circulating that the Elected Mayor, of Joke-on-Trent, Mark Meredith (pictured), is missing.
He was last seen walking near to the waters edge at Westport Lake around lunchtime today.
Police ‘sources’ confirm that: A ‘neatly folded suit was found at the edge of the lake earlier today’ and have confirmed that they are treating it as a ‘missing Mayor case. ‘We are currently interviewing every suspicious member of the local Labour Party throughout the City’.
The Police spokesman said: ‘We are treating this case very seriously and will spend no amount of time or resources whatsoever in looking for him’. If we have time, after dinner, we’ll send a car round’
A spokesperson at the Mayors office described events as: Tragic but highly predictable, considering the amount of pressure he landed himself in. We had a sweep in the office on which day it would be’.
Mr. Saville Row, a bespoke tailor, identified the suit as belonging to a ‘very rich man’ and could only belong to the Mayor of Stoke-on-Trent’.
The former Deputy Mayor, Mervin Smith said: This is awful, he was my North, my South, my East, my West. I adored him’.
Councillor Mike Barnes, a long term opponent of the Elected Mayoral system is said to be jumping for joy- disturbed -upon hearing of the case but confirmed :’It wasn’t me, honest!’
Mike Wolfe, former Mayor and now the Chief Executive of, Mike Wolfe forever LTD, said: ‘This is a very sad day for the City and I blame the Labour Party and Gordon Brown for the economic crisis around the world’.
John Abberley, aged 97, has called for the restoration of the death penalty.
Michael Coleman, a possible BNP contender for the elected Mayor role said: ‘It is certainly the work of immigrants. They should all be rounded up, thanked and deported instantly’.
Teachers at Edensor College have booked two weeks off school and intend to ‘leave no stone unturned ‘, looking for Mark Meredith in Benidorm. The head teacher said: Mark has been great to us and we would not be able to live with ourselves if we didn’t pull out all the stops in searching for him. If we can’t find him there, then we shall look for him in Majorca, Cyprus but not Rhyl’.
Councillors Mark Davis and Tom Reynolds were too inconsolable to interview but are believed to be being comforted by Rob Flello MP and his other team of yes men.
Anyone who has any information regarding this incident is asked to keep it to themselves contact Inspector Knacker of the Yard and a reward of two Shillings and sixpence is offered for his safe return.


Alison said...

Oh my god, what a laugh! I have enjoyed reading every word and am crying with laughter!

It's a pity it's probably not true, but the description of events and the reactions of various political figures named in the blog are probably spot on!

Bring on more articles from The Oracle - he/she is even more funny than Tony!!

If this story is true and we ARE rid of the Mayor, I will hold a party in my back garden till next Thursday. (Officialy known as Yes/No Day!)Ha ha.

brooneyes said...

I just spat coffee on my notepad!
Love the Mike Coleman interview!lol
It seems your report left something out.
Rectal interference of the sort
enjoyed by the misper causes the muscles to become weakened and lax.
It is suspected that the minute Mr
Meredith hit the water, he filled up and sank! An earlier report of two bald men engaging in synchronised swimming, is now believed to have been Mr Merediths bottom, seconds before he went down!!

Helen said...

oh, my knitting has become all soggy from tears of laughter!! Better than diluting my glass of vino.

Long Live The Oracle!!

What a fabulous blog, cannot wait for the next instalment.

Craig - you are really getting into this light hearted spirit now. That comment was probably the most hilarious comment on pits 'n' pots.

warren said...

Two shilling and sixpence, Ill pay the culprit a five pound note and a fish super to keep the Next time you post something as funny as that dudem warn my, I will leave the evening water tablets off, I had to sprint to the bog, good jod its next to the den.

nita said...

Well what can I say, absolutely hilarious!!

Can't wait for more instalments from The Oracle.

This has made a change from the more serious debates on PitsnPots.

Tony said...

Political satire Is alive and kicking, well alive and floating around Westport Lake! We hail The Oracle, lock up your ego's nothing can save us now! Only the names and dates were changed to protect the guilty....... We're all doomed I tell you, doomed!

Alison said...

Helen, have you shown this article to your better(?) half? I am sure even he will fall about laughing when he reads it. I would love to be a fly on the wall in your house when he reads it!

Or perhaps he's the Oracle!!!! (Perish the thought...)

Frank Fuller said...

Very entertaining.

I can well imagine that this may be his reaction if the outcome of the referendum next week is to scrap the elected mayor!

Perhpas Mike Wolfe may join him so they can do a double disappearing act?

Frank Fuller said...

Should have added that a number of individuals believed to be from the Trentham area are currently helping the police with their enquiries!

Alison said...

Frank, what do you mean, a number of people from the Trentham area? Shouldn't that be LOTS of people from ALL Areas!!! Trentham are just one of the communities that our Elected Mayor has peed off.

warren said...

The Oracle could be half of Stoke, that fool Meredith as pissed anought of us off . He's a dower looking man to, I have only seen him smile once, and then I think he had traped wind. Next target Oracle, got get that prat Roger'The Dogger' Ibbs.

Frank Fuller said...

Warren, I hope you meant 'Roger the Dodger' rather than 'Roger the Dogger'.

These days 'Dogger' can have a rather unfortunate meaning, although who is to say that it may not be applicable to Roger's colleague Councillor Wanger!

brooneyes said...

Frank, Roger the "Dogger" seems an apt title for a man that's screwed most of us!

dangermouse said...

hahahhahahahha, that was funny, is there any chance we can print some off, laminate them n put em outside the town hall n every lamp post in stoke.
I'm quite sure it would bring a tear to anyone's eye.

Margaret said...

What a ripper! I bet that John Abberley is spitting feathers.Made me laugh out loud and I couldn't wait to show my husband who printed it off and took it to work.

the joker said...

I like it, very cutting.
'It wasn't me-honest'.

warren said...

Joker, we can all tell it was'nt you dude, cos it was bloody As for the dogger, I ment dodger but as Brooneyes ponted out dogger is also fits for that good for nowt nerdowell to, and so to will 'togger' and 'completly useless prat' to.The man is not fit to hold the contants of his own bladder, never alown a portfoilo of work for the city council. I know I had a slight problem with that yesterday but hay, at least I admitted it, and got there just in time, but only just. But just like Mr. Ibbs I've got someone to blame my missgiveing upon, The Oracle.

st geoge said...

I hope you are all going to vote 'YES' next week, or this will just be a talking shop !

My postal vote is already in....

Gary Elsby said...

Spoke to a woman today who filled in her postal vote.
She voted NO because she wants to get rid of the Mayor.

nicky said...

That was hilarious. Particularly liked the joke about the immigrants responsible being rounded up, thanked and deported.

Warren, love your comment about Dodger Fibbs "not fit to hold the contants of his own bladder, never alown a portfoilo of work for the city council".

Gary, hope yours was a joke too.

brooneyes said...

Hope you are all going to vote "no"
on the 23rd.
I shall be down at the Civic Centre getting ripped into some of this authority's crappier officers. High time these chancers were taken to task!
Don't forget, VOTE "NO!"

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious.

nita said...

Brooneyes, so that's two votes for NO then, mine and yours.

Daren't tell the rest of the bloggers they'll kill me. Ha Ha.

brooneyes said...

OK Nita, we just need to convince another 100,000, and we're home free!

nita said...

Only another 100,000, with 5 days to go?

Not going to be easy.